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Saturday, November 28th, 2009
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7:44 pm - *channeling my 5 year old self* YOU can't have it, it's MINE!
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I r le annoyed.
I'm sending Aaron my blue gaming desktop because his laptop is not allowing for WoW playing, and it's something of a christmas present. First of all I fail at mailing things, and I warned him of this as soon as I said I'd send it, and today I actually took it over to the UPS store and YAAAAAY it's closed. Yeah. 2:30 it closed, we got there at 3ish. Wonderful. Sigh. So I will try it again maybe Tuesday, maybe Thursday, I dunno!
So anyway. With all this extra space in my room now, I wanted to bring up my old HP computer and use it for its hard drive... yay extra storage for all my projects, maybe not losing everything the next time Mac decides it needs to lapse into a coma!
Well there's a problem with this. Yeah. What you ask? They gave it away. THEY GAVE IT AWAY... and you all wonder why my room is such a mess all the time. Apparently everything that is "mine" has to be in my room OR ITS FREE TO BE GIVEN AWAY. Grumble grumble grumble. So I strongly asked mom to get it back. We'll see how that goes. I suspect it will go like "well you werent using it, you have a computer, Bob likes it, too bad" ... but christ it was mine and I didn't want to give BOTH of my computers away! The HP wasn't even a GOOD one, it's like an email machine! But I still want it. I think my reasoning is legit, don't you? Yes. You do because I say so.
Also my hand hurts from painting for days and days. It hurts. A lot. I had Advil earlier but I took 2 and I'm probably not supposed to have more till tomorrow or something so I suppose I'll just ice it...
-_- Grumble.
current mood:  annoyed
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| Friday, November 27th, 2009
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2:46 am - 100 Things I'm Thankful For
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Miss K (http://blog.aromaleigh.com/blog/) listed 100 things she is thankful for and said that since I was reading it, I am tagged! It's a good thing to do anyway I think so let's get started. Im thankful for all of my friends by the way, but I don't want to sit here and just list names, so if you THINK you're in one of my categories, then you are! hehe (^_^) If any part of it is like "why is she thankful for that?" go ahead and ask and I'd be happy to explain! :) Some of this reads like a Christmas wish list, but I really am thankful for a lot of these things... like the printer. I could just be shallow and say "yay stuff!" but you see, the printer I have allows me to work at my own pace, and not what I can get done before Staples closes. It makes my life a heck of a lot easier!
( On with the list... )
current mood:  tired
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| Tuesday, November 24th, 2009
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5:46 pm - Flu shots?
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I have to admit, when I saw this sign I thought, "Why do they think they have to tell us where they're sticking the needle? They still put shots there? I don't want that shot!"
Then I realized someone just fails at writing 1's.
And now... back to homework -_-
current mood:  busy
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| Friday, November 20th, 2009
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5:03 am - Ramble Ramble
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I r making journal!
But its 3am and my brain has gone zombie for the day. Coherant sentences, what?
Ok now it's almost 5am. I forgot I was posting something >_> lol hai there!
I got my nails done with mom and Aunt Candy today, I got them sort of a berry red with white and silver lines on the ring fingers. Ironically, mom and Aunt Candy both ended up with a similar berry red color lol... Guess I'm just a trend setter ;) I think next time I'll get the fancy purple with sparkles in it.
Went to a Society of Design get together thinger tonight. It wasn't bad, wasn't any better than I expected it would be though. Krista and Shiela sat next to me, and then so did Marjaneh. For those of you I haven't talked to in a while... or who haven't been paying attention, either way... Marjaneh is my teacher and head of the graphic design program at HACC. I sat next to teacher! Haha she's kind of intimidating but at the same time as soon as she smiles it makes me giggle, she's nice, just taken the wrong way a lot of times I think. And she did smile tonight too, she asked if Nikki was coming to the event, and if Mike was a member of the Society of Design, and she asked if I submitted my poster... though strangely enough she laughed the most when I said I did submit my poster. It wasn't THAT bad, was it x_x sigh... I don't think it was, and I guess you all wouldn't know since I haven't updated DeviantArt in forever. But by Wednesday there should be a new painting up there... should be. That's when it's due in class! I'm entering a contest with it too. Woot! I hope I win that... I have to do an amazing job. >_> Right now im trying to figure out what to do with disembodied arms. Just trust me, and check next Wednesday to see what I'm talking about ;)
What is up with the twilighters... the books are so horrible! Yes I've read them, yes I enjoy the plot, but the writing itself is such shit. Just saying. Not my cup of tea. It's not Star Wars, they should NOT be camping out for that movie, especially if the acting is as bad as I've been hearing. I can overlook tacky lines in a book because I can visualize better... but when it's right there in front of me on screen, I'm sorry, I can't stand bad acting... >_> like, have you seen the newest Street Fighter? That movie was so horribad. It was like a bad impersonation of Keanu Reeves the entire time. Whoever was the casting director on that one needed to be fired.
Also. I miss Aaron somethin' crazy. He's doing some Open Mic Night back around his old home on Saturday. I'm so jealous of really ANYONE who gets to go see that, it's insane. I want to see! I really hope someone films it, or at least photographs it. Anything really would be amazing x_x My handsome boyfriend is playing guitar and singing (maybe) and I don't get to see? That's a crime against nature! T_T Rawr.
current mood:  blank
current music: Eh Eh [Nothing Else I Can Say] - Lady GaGa
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| Tuesday, November 17th, 2009
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4:58 am - "In Soviet Russia, Makeup Reviews You!"
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That journal subject is not my creativeness, it comes from here: (link removed by author)
Just in case LC has any ideas - this is all OPINION and it is all MY OWN EXPERIENCE - don't go trying to sue me just because I don't like you.
-_- I suppose I should give some back story for my readers before I start ranting. Well. A bit ago I happened upon this website run by a girl calling herself Doe. Doe Deere. At first I thought the name was silly, until I found out her real name is Xenia... Not that I'm saying her real name is silly, I just mean I realized that she isn't really using "Doe Deere" as anything more than an online persona - then I just decided silly online name is silly, and started reading back in her blog. She is a model, makeupy person living in New York. This blog... well I guess it's mostly about makeup - I've never done any of her looks and honestly only remember one of her bogs and that is because it included Lady Gaga's video for Paparazzi. But I read the blog just the same.
She was always talking about her makeup line, Lime Crime, and I wanted to see what it was about. I decided to buy 3 of her eyeshadows, even though they were $16. This was early in my "new" makeup fascination (that is, the first time I'd gone outside of what you can find at walmart...) so I figured well I guess if you want better stuff, you have to pay for it. When I got it though I was somewhat disappointed - they didn't look anything on me the way they did on the site! I suppose that was my own fault though. I then realized I had to get an eye shadow primer if I wanted the shadow to be brighter. I got some (and am still thankful I did, I love eye shadow primer!) and it still didn't look like the site. Then I learned you have to use either a mixing medium or water to "foil" it on to get it brighter. Makeup gurus may tell me that's the wrong term, but hopefully whoever may be reading this understands what I mean. Anyway my point is, "so bright it's illegal" only works after you play with it a bit - it's not all that bright right out of the container. And might I mention, being my first 'expensive' makeup purchase, I was appalled at the amount I got for my $16 (it's recently been lowered to $12 I believe?). I was so sad, but tried to stay positive because OOO SHINY.
I somewhat hid the eyeshadows at the bottom of the makeup drawer all summer until recently I happened upon her blog again and found that they were doing lipsticks now - just in time for halloween! What interesting colors... not practical for everyday, and still pretty expensive... but maybe they were good for a costume or two? A few times after I got the eyeshadows I found them in some online shops for a few dollars cheaper, so I decided to search Google and see if the lipstick was anywhere besides their official site.
That search, for me, opened a can of worms. Apparently other people were dissatisfied with Lime Crime. A lot of people. And what's this about repackaging? o_O well I'm not going to get into that, you can search it yourself I'm sure, if LC hasn't bullied them all into removing it... but let's just say I was convinced. I found one blog that gave them a fair chance - doing swatches of LC eyeshadow and swatches of other brands. The lipsticks got shipped out and she again did swatches of LC's and then of other brands, and gave her honest opinion. She even wore these lipsticks around so she could say what she thought of them, if they lasted or not, on the color... it was NOT an "omg LC sucks!" post.
And then we come to the above link, where Lime Crime tells her to remove all "slanderous" posts. An honest review is slanderous? It's reason for being sued? Where's free speech nowadays? Is Grey not allowed to have her own opinion, and share said opinion with the makeup community? It sickens me. Needless to say, if I had any want of more Lime Crime makeup, the desire is now completely gone. I'm done with their makeup, I'm done with Doe Deere. The drama on other sites was fun to watch, but this is just dumb now. If I hadn't spent good money on the eyeshadows I did get, I'd throw them out to be cleansed of Lime Crime and Doe Deere.
That friends, is my opinion of their behavior.
EDIT: Oh even better. The post I originally linked was removed, and replaced with this, which is getting equally as irritated comments: http://gothique.wordpress.com/2009/11/17/lime-crime/
And just in case they have her remove that too, here's what it says:
I was asked to remove my previous post and post this instead.
On several occasions, under the names of “Gothique”, “Grey”, and “Jessica L.” I published untrue articles and comments on various websites about Lime Crime Makeup, its proprietor, Doe Deere, and the company’s products. This includes my article “Lime Crime – A History”.
I hereby unreservedly withdraw the defamatory statements made by me and apologize publicly to Lime Crime. I also wish to express my regrets that these defamatory statements were ever published and admit that there was no ground for these defamatory statements.
WTF LC. WTF indeed. Maybe I will cut the loss and toss the shadows after all. Or see if someone else wants them. Lime Crime is disgusting.
current mood:  discontent
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| Monday, November 16th, 2009
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2:07 am - *peek* Hello!
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When was the last time I updated this? ... last semester I suppose... I linked a picture of a dog. That poor dog! I still want it haha it's so cute. Anyway...
Hai!
This semester has been insane, I don't know the last time I was so busy with homework... I don't even remember being this busy when I was in NURSING... x_x And this is an art major? It's insane.
Well actually... I think I'll have to leave you hanging... whoever "you" are nowadays. No one reads this anymore, do they... -_- But anyway it is 2am and I have class in the morning. 4 hours of sleep does sount appealing... Night night everyone!
current mood: drained
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| Thursday, April 16th, 2009
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4:50 am
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| Wednesday, March 18th, 2009
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3:40 pm - Well it took long enough...
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but my teachers finally posted my grades. They could post them between march 5th and march 19th at noon. So today, on the 18th, they're posted. I should be happy, I could have been waiting till tomorrow at noon... >_> Riiight. Anyway, for now I have all A's :) Woo hoo! That's only 3 classes tho so it's not like whoa outstanding, but it does take a loooooot of time and effort. Now let's try to keep them as A's huh?
My head hurts. I was up till 6:30am Monday night trying to finish an essay (And that's my own stupid fault, being that spring break was last week, but I'm just telling you why my head hurts!) and then was up at 9am to go to class... so 3 hours of sleep to go to school all day yesterday. Yeah it was bound to hurt. Doesn't help that the weather is so nice either, it likes to hurt when the weather changes.
Anyway it's Wednesday, that means I have homework coming out my ears so I better run. More later. Maybe. Hope you're all well!
current mood: Ow my head...
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| Sunday, March 8th, 2009
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7:42 pm - Soooo hi
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Hello! Long time no journal.
Um. ... well thats mostly because there isn't a whole lot going on. I've had a wonderful boyfriend, Matt, for a year now. He lives in California, but he's hoping to get stationed in Dover, DE with the Air Force. We'll see how that works out...
We got a new dog last summer, and she's a TICK MAGNET... She had one today and one was crawling on me yesterday. Twice. I kept batting at it when I saw it like a dummy so its wandering somewhere in the house now. Awesome right? ... Doesn't help my tick phobia one bit!
School's been... well irritating, but I earned an associates in Art and Design in December. With honors! Yay. Now I'm right back again working on an associates in Graphic Design. Lots of similar classes so I figured it's almost 2 for 1 haha.
Actually I did a lot last summer, cousins got married and Matt was here for a while. I started a picasa site, which is Googles form of photobucket or webshots. Yaaaaay Google! http://picasaweb.google.com/ardillacheeks
Right now it's technically spring break. Yaaaaay break. School... not so much fun. The teachers are... yeah. You THINK they're good teachers, they're nice, but ahhhh they drive me insane. I have 3 classes, and one of the teachers teaches 2 of those, so only 2 teachers this semester. I have issues with both. The one that teachers 2 of the classes won't let me go to the Adobe Photoshop World Conference thingie that Kate invited me to (Kate being Matt's sister, and already a Graphic Designer) and ... I don't know she's... ... she's not dumb but... not really a teacher or something. I can't put my finger on it. On two separate occasions she's neglected to use the word "multiply" when it would have been better. That bothered me more than it should have. For example, on one of our project sheets she was explaining how to do a character count and she said "Times"... but since it was in Typography class my mind went right to Times New Roman font and I got confused. Then I was studying for our test and she said "X" and I was like "X? Like algebra?" ... just say multiply! >_> Yes I know thats just a mild and irrational irritation, but I've also seen her use "Two" as "Too" and cite Wikipedia. So. Yeah. The other teacher... she kinda teaches, but not really. She isn't too helpful. She says the best way to reach her is by email and that anything emailed to her will go to her cell phone so she's sure to get it. However, 4 times between Nikki (my new friend in the graphic design program) and I the teacher has failed to respond. However, she did respond to my one email... the day our one project was due. Why even bother to respond? I was already AT school, and she knew that. Grrr. Overall tho things seem to be going well.
And now... I'm going to shower! Maybe I'll update this a little more often, but no promises!
current mood: bored
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| Saturday, December 15th, 2007
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6:45 am - Bad day. Very bad day. No good. Icky.
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It was a bad day, it was!!
So yesterday our power was out. Power out = desktop off = fickle internet not likely to reconnect. It wouldnt work last night, and it wouldnt work this morning.
"connecting... connecting... connecting"
-_-
I went downstairs in a huff, and said to dad "the next time you talk to Chuck, tell him to get his (bleepity bleep bleep) passwords off our internet." Dad turned around and dialed just like that. Apparently he'd been meaning to talk to him anyway about the web site Chuck is building dad - its taken him 2 weeks to create a background for the site of "shingles and siding"... my dad got pretty mad at him just for that, and said "here talk to Stephanie." So I was given the phone... woot. Chuck. Let me express my joy. With periods. That. Much. Fun. *cringe* I told him "my desktop will not connect to the internet, it did this a year ago and you came to fix it and left with it no better than when you came... also, my laptop has troubles connecting too because its always trying to refresh its IP address or something and it gets stuck." He says to me "Oh I was unaware you were having wireless issues." >_< No joke, I made that face. Pointy and everything. I was like "well you were here, and I've been connecting with a wire ever since." Anyway, he's coming by on Monday at 1pm to check it out... and if the passwords are still on when he leaves, Ima throw a fit. After I hang up the phone, dad asks me "did Chuck order that part you asked about." I probably looked at him like he had 3 heads. "what part? ... I guess not, because I have no idea what you mean, so it must have been so long ago I dont even remember." He looks back at me with the same sort of expression I'd just been giving him. "No the one you just said, that we called for, OH WHATEVER FORGET IT I MUST BE CONFUSED RAWR" ... -_- Exactly what I need right before working 11:30-9:whatever. So he's all in a fluster about being late to lunch, and I'm out the door already anyway for work.
Next trouble. I get to work, I take my stuff to the server station, hang it up, and then head out front. I'm in there selling gift cards. Joy. Crazy busy, of sorts... party of 25 over here, 11 over there, cooks being called in to help, me jumping up and down every time Jess would dissapear... But that wasnt so bad. That was actually enjoyable, in comparison. Around 4, Amy came in and went to order food. Since I was on break from 4:15-5:15, I asked her to order me my chicken tenders awhile. At 4:15 my relief comes in and I wander to the back to get money to pay for the delicious food awaiting me. Wallet... strangely light... Why... is... there nothing here? *blank stare* Did I take money out? ... No, I havent used my wallet since I was out with Heather on Saturday, and I know for a fact I wasnt on empty that night. Someone had taken my money. Best I can figure it was roughly $80 - pretty sure the money dad paid me for filing was still in there ($50) plus a $20 because i like those, and mucho $1's since I'm a waitress and they always appear in there somehow. I could be off, but not EMPTY off. I was pretty much in shock. Someone here had taken my money, all people I feel I can trust... who would have done such a thing? My name is right inside the wallet - they knew who they were taking from. -_- I dunno. Perhaps it was the same person who took both of my former mugs from the back. Perhaps that's where my iPod has been hiding since August. Who knows. I just knew I had to pay for my meal, so I borrowed from Cherie.
During my gift card selling, I'd realized it was the 14th. December 14th... *DING* Dads birthday. And I'd managed to piss him off as a birthday greeting. I felt rather nice about that one... not. So I called him while I was on break to say happy birthday.
Serving went pretty well... slow for a Friday, and much slower concidering I just wanted to pay Cherie back and be out of that place. By the time the last table left, I had $4 in my pocket... $3 of which was to go to our busser for the evening. I said to myself, there had better be a nice amount in credit card tips, or I'm going to cry... then I'll quit... then I'll cry some more. When I saw Keith pull out 2 $20's I was kinda happy... tho it wasnt as impressive as a Friday could be. After paying back Cherie for my meal, I earned $42 for the night... plus whatever measely amount I'd get for being there all morning with the cards. Eh... just let me go home, I thought...
Coming into the garage at home, mom was trying to direct me. While I appreciated it, I just wanted to be inside, warm and allowed to mope. Over this way! Over more! What are you doing? ... -_- Finally I was like "I dont care! As long as I can get out of the car, I dont care!" and parked. Mom asked me on the way in the door if money was the only thing taken, and it was... I went over how I'd discovered it and such, then sulked up the stairs. When I got to my room I sat myself down in front of the desktop again and poked at the mouse. "Connecting... connecting..." I cursed at it a bit, then walked over and reset the router (which I'd also done the previous night)... and it connected just fine. -_- Rawr. Then I went into my emails to check the date of Sarahs party... 14th... -_- I felt so very horrible at having missed it, and I wanted to IM my appologies so since the internet was now working, I turned on IM. Her away message told me she was mid-party, so I opened up a box to leave her a note. I started typing... and nothing. No typing. I swollowed hard, trying not to cry. I crawled down under the desk and unplugged the keyboard. Plugged it back in... still nothing. Reluctantly, I reset the computer, praying it would reconnect to the internet. Yay! It did... but... keyboard still no go. -_- I'd had enough... I started to cry, then stopped. I walked downstairs, moved my bird off moms shoulder, and held out my arms. As soon as she hugged me I cried. She asked what was wrong and I said simply that I'd had enough of the day. I went out into the office and looked for a spare keyboard, which surprising to me, we had. I went back in the house and mom pointed a $20 at me. She said "I dont know how much was in your wallet, but this should help a little." I said "no no no you didnt steal my money, you shouldn't pay me for it." She insisted yes, and I insisted no, until finally she shoved it down my bra. o_O At least it made me laugh. I brought the keyboard upstars and plugged it in. Nothing there either... I reset the computer once again, and saw the "number lock" button light up. Woot! So it was the keyboard after all, and not my computer having a spazz attack. -_- After all that hastle the only thing I sent Sarah was "*Sad panda*" -_- she appears to have logged for the night... I hope her party went okay :(
I think I need to go to bed and end whatever cycle this is today. It's just no good...
current mood: disappointed
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| Wednesday, October 17th, 2007
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6:45 pm
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| Tuesday, October 2nd, 2007
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1:45 pm
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Howdy Howdy Howdy...
Long time no see.
I withdrew from Penn State. Yeah. Really.
Went to a meeting this morning up at HACC harrisburg and found out that I cant go right into Graphic Design because I'm missing *one* class. Yeah, it kinda sucked initially but then I looked at this other print out on a similar degree... Visual Arts and Design. I'm 7 classes away in that one to earning an Associates. One of those 7 is the one class I need for Graphic Design. So! The plan is now, do the Visual Arts and Design, get that Associates, then continue on and get the Graphic Design... then finish in 2.5 years all around. Game plan set! Go! Two for one!
-_-
My head hurts, and it hurt yesterday too. Mom says she's had a headache off and on the last two weeks as well so it must be ther weather o_O
Leaves are starting to change. Noticed that on the way home... Also we went to lunch and I had some turkey and mashed potatoes and carrots and yum yum. I'm content and ready for sleeping now tho, and it doesnt help that WoW has its servers offline.
Rawr?
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| Saturday, September 15th, 2007
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1:36 pm - Well damn.
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1. Animator
Fair Match
2. Artist
Good Match
3. Special Effects Technician
Fair Match
4. Costume Designer
Fair Match
5. Data Entry Clerk
Fair Match
6. Cartoonist / Comic Illustrator
Fair Match
7. Fashion Designer
Fair Match
8. Tailor / Dressmaker
Fair Match
9. Composer
Good Match
10. Musician
Very Good Match
11. Electronics Assembler
Fair Match
12. Pet Groomer
Good Match
13. Graphic Designer
Fair Match
14. Zoologist
Fair Match
15. Auto Detailer
Fair Match
16. Sign Language Interpreter
Fair Match
17. Security Systems Technician
Fair Match
18. Photographer
Very Good Match
19. Musical Instrument Builder and Repairer
Fair Match
20. Animal Breeder
Fair Match
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| Friday, July 6th, 2007
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2:19 pm
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I know I know long time no update... and I still don't have a whole lot to say. Well... I've got a huge headache right now... Kinda just wanna roll over and sleep but I work 5-8. Bleh. Went to the dermatologist this morning and she took off two moles again. I must have pissed off the gods in a former life. Yeah. :( Tomorrow is Kristens wedding... thats about all I have to say about that too lol. Maybe more of an update later since I do have a few thoughts swimming around. Hope everyones summer is going well!
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| Sunday, June 10th, 2007
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4:59 am - I'm not old, I swear!
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| Thursday, June 7th, 2007
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12:05 am - A book of an update for those who wonder
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I've been putting off making journals for a while. Every time I have an idea, I open up my Semagic program and think it just doesn't seem to be coming out right. Its been a pretty sad couple of weeks. I guess it started when Brandon did the breakup thing. I was pretty frustrated by the fact that I was broken up with via text... but overall I was alright with the concept... I shouldn't want someone who doesn't want me. Or... well I am not sure if that's the case because he made it sound like it was a time issue, or something... either way I just keep hearing "He's just not that into you" ring in my head, so what else can I do but move on? Every now and then I think to myself, well what if it was a test and he really wanted to see if I'd fight for him? ... Believe me, I'd love to fight his decision... but every time I've tried that in the past it just ended up hurting me more... so I really hope that was not his intention. ... What has really gotten to me though is his lack of conversation since then. I guess my brother was the one who explained it best... Sunday night I worked, as did Brandon. All night it seemed he would avoid me again. If he was making jokes in the back, he'd run away the moment I came in... it could have just been coincidence but in my mind thats what was happening. Amy tried to break the ice by saying "Brandon, you know my friend Steph?" and I said "Hi Brandon!" and pleasantly as I could... to which he responded "what was that all about?" ... I kept fighting tears all night. A few times I had to take a drink of soda just to get the feeling out of my throat and start breathing normally again. Keith noticed, and I shrugged it off. On his way out, Brandon did say goodbye... its a start. When I got home my brother asked if I wanted to go to Giant. I said sure. On the way I told him what had happened and everything and asked his opinion. When he'd given it I tried to say something but ended letting myself cry the tears I'd been fighting all night. My brother stopped at the stopsign, unbuckled, and gave me a hug. He really is a good guy... When we got home I saw that Brandon was actually online for the first time in ages. I decided that despite my hesitation, I should IM him and be friendly anyway... to get the ball rolling on being normal friends. I did most of the talking, but at least he sorta responded...
For the last few nights I've been having bad dreams. Other people dying, or myself, or work being in shambles... It hasn't been nice. I wake up feeling like I should just stay in bed. I shower to get myself all ready to face the world, but end up staying in anyway. Last night John mentioned that he was trying to download WoW and it wasn't working out so well. I decided that instead of being lazy like I wanted to, I'd drive to York and let him use my disks. It was probably a rather good decision because afterwards I felt a lot better about stuff... I mean... well perhaps not better in a good way, but not as sad. I had myself convinced that things will work out one way or another... if I don't find the person that I'm meant to find, then I can always have my Papillon. Something like that... Not that I want to live by that philosophy, but there's got to be a bright side to things. Got to. Otherwise why would I keep trying? Yes. So there. ... ... ... Anyway I felt better. Today was kinda a blah day itself. I tried to clean my ears yesterday with a q-tip... anyone who knows the history with my ears will tell you that's like russian roulette ha ha ha... So today when my ear was still all stuffy I decided to try to rinse it out without moms help for the first time and I'm happy to say it worked very well. I'll probably end up with swimmers ear, with my luck, but for now I am rather pleased.
Another thing that's been forward on my mind is the whole college deal. At my cousins graduation party, the 1920's one that I was so excited about, another guest asked me "so what do you do? do you go to college?" and I told her how I'm in between right now but that I'll be going to penn state harrisburg in the fall for elementary education. Then she asked me this question... "why" ... and I froze. I seriously had to look at mom and say "I don't even remember now..." ... since then I've been so worried about my choices. Why AM I going for el ed? And then I thought, is that really what I want? Why do I want that? And besides the fact that I like children and have always gotten along with the teachers... why do I? ... ... it really bothers me that I'm not feeling more driven. And so I thought, what is it that I wanted coming out of high school. What did I want to go to Pittsburgh for? I wanted to go for Communications. Why? Because I wanted to be on the radio. I like to talk to people when I know they're listening. I used to make tapes of myself acting out different voices and personalities on the radio... Why did I switch to photography when I came back from Pittsburgh? I really can't remember. Maybe that's where it got so messed up. Maybe that's why nothing has been right... Maybe I need to revisit that major... And that makes me afraid too. What if I tell my parents this? Will the support the decisions? Will I get THAT look again? I am scheduled to register for classes in July. Will it be too late for the correct classes? ... ... ... ... I hate this. I hate not knowing what I want, I hate the hesitation I feel.
Last Thursday was my brothers graduation. I knew before I went that it would be hard for me to watch. I was excited... but also extremely upset at the same time. My dad wanted to talk about it. He said "wow do you remember 4 years ago when this was you..." and I just didn't want to have any part of that... I said "ya" and continued looking out the window of the van. During the whole procession I saw my old teachers... Mr. Ressel, Mrs. Discavage, Mr. Portas right up front... I saw all these students, who are going to this college or that college... a few of them looked familiar, and I wondered if they were relatives of people I graduated with. That's the last way I saw much of my class, in those purple and gold gowns... When they threw up their caps I almost burst into tears. It was okay tho... I got over it...
Tomorrow a bunch of my friends from work will be graduating as well. I'm rather excited for them to be honest... They're my people now. I feel like I'm from the class of '07 again.... granted, not in the same way I was to be before.... but I like them just the same. I hope they all accept me as one of them in the fall... So to end this on a happy note... Here's to my brother Patrick, to Travis, Janelle, Matt, Pam, Amy, Brandon, Cole, Nate, Justin... and whoever I may be missing... Have a great graduation. Enjoy yourselves.
current mood:  calm
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(comment on this)
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| Sunday, May 27th, 2007
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6:55 pm
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Today I:
1) Worked and made $54
2) Took Danny outside
3) Washed my car. No more mud on the side! No more pollen!
4) Was completely ignored by Brandon. Well, no, he did leave the back door open for me, so I guess completely is incorrect. But he didn't look at me. Didn't talk to me... So pretty much completely.
Also, I have *9* mosquito bites on my legs. 7 on my left, 2 on my right. And they itch. A lot. I wanna scratch so bad... There's a thunderstorm rumbling around outside. I love storms...
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| Saturday, May 26th, 2007
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2:41 am - Picture time!
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| Friday, May 25th, 2007
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3:17 pm - I r steals from Danielle lolz
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If you're on my friends list, I want to know 28 things about you. I don't care if we've never talked, never liked each other, or if we already know everything about each other. I really don't. You are obviously on my flist, so let me know with whom I'm friends!
1. Your Middle Name:
2. Age:
3. Single or Taken:
4. Favourite Movie:
5. Favourite Song or Album:
6. Favourite Band/Artist:
7. Dirty or Clean:
8. Tattoos and/or Piercings:
9. Do we know each other outside of LJ?
10. What's your philosophy on life?
11. Is the bottle half-full or half-empty?
12. Would you keep a secret from me if you thought it was in my best interest?
13. What is your favourite memory of us?
14. What is your favourite guilty pleasure?
15. Tell me one odd/interesting fact about you:
16. You can have three wishes (for yourself, so forget all the 'world peace etc' malarky) - what are they?
17. Can we get together and make a cake?
18. Which country is your spiritual home?
19. What is your big weakness?
20. Do you think I'm a good person?
21. What was your best/favourite subject at school?
22. Describe your accent:
23. If you could change anything about me, would you?
24. What do you wear to sleep?
25. Trousers or skirts?
26. Cigarettes or alcohol?
27. If I only had one day to live, what would we do together?
28. Will you repost this so I can fill it out for you?
current mood: sleepy
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| Tuesday, May 22nd, 2007
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3:11 pm - And in the end the love you take is equal to the love you make
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I got the text today.
So I decided I think we should split up for now
I wasn't extremely shocked. After he called yesterday I did have hope... but... *sigh* So I tried to figure out how I could respond so he knew I'd gotten it. I said "Why just for now?" and he responded "That was just a way to word it.. I just decided this isn't where I want to be right now." I wasn't sure how to respond again... so I said "K." Then he said sorry, and by that time I had a little more in my head. I said, "I don't get it, is all. U were lonely, u wanted a girlfriend, I was patient with your time and now u don't want me. doesn't really make sense to me." I don't like typing "u" but in a text its much easier. I said "k well its not like I didn't see if coming. if u decide different in the future.. let me know I guess. I still like u, im not mad just confused." And he said "k I'll let you know. thank you."
... People probably don't like when stuff like that is put into my journal but in this case... I don't really care. It's what happened today. It explains why I can't really figure out how I feel right now. Like I said, I did see it coming so it's not like the end of the world... but right now I'm actually trying not to cry. I guess it just kinda hit me. I have a date with Janelle tonight... I guess that'll help get my mind off of stuff.
It kinda takes away my reason behind cleaning the basement. Maybe I'll just shove everything back in.
What's that mean, "not where I wanted to be" ... where does he want to be? Where was he? ... And I keep thinking, if he did like me then it wouldn't really matter if he was where he planned on being, he'd just be with me. So maybe it's a blessing in disguise. If it wasn't right, then "my person" is still out there.
One day things will be easy. They have to be, or I swear I will go adopt 30 cats.
current mood: blank
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seeyourgypsy's journal